Courtesy of Marla, the Healing Adventuress at Wound to Well-being
I grew up with mixed messages regarding healthy sexuality, relationships, receiving and feelings of contentment, joy and love. My first recollection of my parents’ demonstration of love was my mom doing dishes, my dad walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her and her dismissing him with a look of disapproval while pushing him away. I don’t recall any loving gestures between the two of them and that disconnection flowed through to us kids. We were taught to hide our emotions and to take care of our mother’s emotional needs. I learnt to close down to my feelings in my body and my emotions. I didn’t allow my anger to rise because it wasn’t allowed to be voiced (from my experience, I didn’t show my mom pain because I saw satisfaction on her face when I did) and I didn’t allow myself to feel it internally but I did express it externally in the form of my behaviours. I physically hurt myself, got into fights, was kicked out of school twice, ran away, did drugs, stole from people, and had sex. All these behaviours were a cry out for someone to notice me and pay attention to me regardless of what consequences could arise.